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Filtering by Tag: lifestyles

Narrow Waist Seeks Broad Mind

LeAnn Stephenson

At the moment, I'm doing what I normally do every January . . . . that being, looking at the pattern of my life and deciding that I don't like it and working on a plan to change it. 

So here's what I've been thinkin' . . . . In June of 2011, I will celebrate my forty-sixth birthday.  The thought of being a middle-aged person has never appealed to me.  It doesn't seem like a job I'd apply for.  I always imagine a personal ad that reads something like this:

Narrow Waist Seeks Broad Mind
  
Narrow waist seeks opportunity to change places with a broad mind.  Warning:  When waist trades places with mind everything on your body will hurt, and what doesn't hurt won't work any longer.  Also, your body might develop some food allergies, and every time you eat, it will break out into fat.  This will cause self-loathing through most of your 40s and 50s, and a few years afterward, and intermittently for the next twenty-five years or so. 
Requirements:
Applicant must have degree from the School of Creative Mathematics so that you honestly do not know how old you are.  Also, when calculating your age in dog years, you must be dead. 
Pay: 
No pay.  Possible opportunities for "pay back," "paying it forward," and "paying very little attention" but, no actual compensation. 
Education: 
Nursery school or equivalent. 
Benefits: 
You won't have to drink alcohol anymore - you can get the same effect by just standing up fast.  Also, you get to boast that you're not forty-five years old, but eighteen with twenty-seven years experience.

To get a jump start on the New Year, my therapist has suggested a daily regimen of finishing what I have started, and I have stead-fastly stuck to it, too!  Here's proof... so far today, I have finished a 6-pack of Diet Dr. Peppers and a Haagen-Dazs Dove Bar and I feel pretty accomplished.  Next she suggested a "do-not-do-that" list.  First on the list is making statements like "Jeez I'm getting such a muffin top!" or "Would you look at my ka-donkey-donk butt?!" -Inevitablly I get a response like "You look great," which is a lie but said out of kindness and love and is code for "I noticed that you've put on a little weight, but if you think you're going to get me to agree with you, you're nuts." 

In a nutshell, my New Year's Resolution plan includes these rules of thumb:

•  Change my exercise routine.  Instead of running my mouth, pushing my luck and jumping to conclusions, do an occasional sit-up or take a jog.

•  Avoid contact with things that raise my blood pressure.  Including, but not limited to, things that possess tetanus, tires, or testicles.

•  Stop eating food and switch to bark so that I can look better naked.

and finally . . . .

•  Die young as late as possible.

Happy New year everyone . . . see you tomorrow!

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Funny How My Finest Hour Lasted a Minute and a Half

LeAnn Stephenson


So, I'm all a twitter cuz I'm in The Austin American Statesman today - on the front of the Lifestyles section even, yet, already!!  And, what's even cooler is that my presence there has nothing whatsoever to do with my being dead, imprisoned, or part of a scandalous news story! 

Freelance lifestyle journalist and good friend, Amy Gabriel, chose to feature me and my home in her new-ish series called Inner Space.   According to the Statesman, it's a monthly look inside some of Austin's most stylish nooks and nests.  How groovy is that?  I'm stylish and I have a nook AND a nest!  At least for today anyway!  Many thanks to Amy, the Statesman, and the talented freelance photographer, Ashley Landis, who shot these photos.

And if you're interested, you can read the full story here.  And you can get a sneak peek at the newly designed Vintage Laundry website here.

Happy almost Christmas Eve!





Photos courtesy Ashley Landis and the Austin American Statesman

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