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Filtering by Tag: humor

The New And Improved Bookbook

LeAnn Stephenson



As some of you know, prior to my life in the antiques business, I was an illustrator and graphic designer in the advertising and publishing world.  And although this post has more to do with modernity than antiquity, the dormant "art director" part of me can't help sharing this clever video that was produced for IKEA by the talented agency BBH Asia Pacific.

So, you know how they say imitation is the greatest form of flattery?  Well, Ikea's new ad promoting its most recent catalogue "bookbook" is a different kind of video for IKEA; it’s sort of a satire/homage to Apple with just a hint of mockery… And the result is hysterical.


Watch as “Chief Design Guru” Jorgen Eghammer introduces the brand’s latest hi-tech innovation with lines like,  "… with an endless battery, page flicking technology, and thousands of pre-installed products, the paper catalogue is set to revolutionize the way people use technology in their homes."  And listen for other quotes by Eghammer like, "The 2015 Ikea catalogue comes fully charged and the battery is eternal," and "If you want to share a particularly inspiring item, you literally share it!"

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Heavy Sigh, Face-palm With an Eye Roll Dismount

LeAnn Stephenson




It has been proven to me again, and again that life is a great unfolding ... that opportunities, wisdom, and understanding will be revealed to me as I go along. I wait, as patiently as an instant-gratification junky can wait, for cues from the universe as to what I should fix my gaze and energies upon next. But here's the thing … and I hate "The Thing" …especially "my" thing. Because my thing is … STARTING. I'm a marvelous starter, a comer-upper of great ideas, an enthusiastic believer that if you work and live and love hard enough that everything is possible. I've started hundreds of things, DIY projects, blog posts, paintings, book writings, entrepreneurial ventures, relationships, conversations, thoughts, sentences … the list is endless and more than a little embarrassing. But here's my "Un-Thing" … FINISHING. I'm like the opposite, evil twin of a premature ejaculation … the iceman never cometh, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And, naturally, the only logical next step in my ever-so-cluttered mind is to start a new project … (insert face-palm.) The new project is a book (insert combination heavy sigh, face-palm with an eye roll dismount.) The chapters are good-natured pokes at all that is me, but are also turning out to be a kind of love letters to myself and to others that share "The Thing." Writing about this has offered me a revelation that although I want to escape, running and screaming from this utterly frustrating habit I have of putting off till tomorrow what I could do the day after tomorrow - I've just decided to embrace it. Because, as they say, you are defined not so much by your imperfect moments, but by your reactions to them. 

So, only time will tell if I can see this "reaction" through to the end … wish me luck, think "finishing thoughts" and if necessary shame me into completing and publishing it.

Below is a snippet from one of the thirty-five chapters in the book. I hope you enjoy and have a marvelous Thursday!

Chapter 1

 

Read Label Before Use


You know how packaged products are required to have a label listing ingredients and such? Well, I think some people should come with them, as well … and I'm sorry to say, that I'm one of them! Before you even think of speaking to me or engaging me in any manner, you should probably read my label. It has recommendations for your use and safety (see label below.)

Nutritional Facts:


Calories: None of your business
Sodium:  Queen of the Swelling & Bloating Float in the High Blood Pressure & Congestive Heart Failure Thanksgiving Day Parade
Carbohydrates:  Girl please!
Sugar:  Can I get a witness?!

LeAnn Stephenson is fun for the whole family. Made from 100% morose introspection and existential crisis, she was founded in Alamogordo, New Mexico in 1965. She played in the White Sands Basin Range where, twenty years earlier, the Trinity nuclear (atomic) bomb was tested (which explains a lot.) She contains more than 75% of the world's eyebrow hair (see nuclear bomb) and in a blind taste test, 2 out of 5 children tested chose LeAnn Stephenson as their mother.


Warning: 

LeAnn Stephenson's singing voice has been described as "very disturbing." 

So, as you can see, I may appear to be perfectly harmless, but I can assure you that I am anything but.

For starters ...

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Chew On My Glove?

LeAnn Stephenson



Interesting phone conversation with the Hubbs:


THE HUBBS: Hi my love! What 'cha doin'?  

ME: Who is this?! And how did you get this number?!  

THE HUBS: Umm . . . . what?

 ME: ... Scott? . . . . Oh, I couldn't tell that it was you . . . . I thought you were some pervert saying you were going to chew on my glove . . . . or maybe watch a glove shoved on a dove or . . .

 THE HUBBS: Okay, okay . . . . I get it . . . . WOW, there's something really not right about you, huh?!  

ME: This is what I've been trying to tell you for years.  

THE HUBBS: Why aren't you home yet?  

ME: Because I'm lost in the maze of crap merchandise in the store. And I have the strangest feeling that I'm about to be eaten . . . . . by my own inventory.  

THE HUBBS: Well, of course you do.

 ME: I think I better do City Wide this weekend and have a "$5 Finds For All Kinds" Sale.  

THE HUBBS: Like the $5 Footlong at Subway . . . . clever.  

ME: Yeah, like that . . . . except without the deli-meats and and the plastic gloves.

THE HUBBS: I'm thinkin' this is the weirdest phone conversation we've ever had.  

ME: Not. Even. Close.

The sale is at the Palmer Events Center here in Austin. I'll be set up behind the red skirted info desk. There is a $7 charge to park in the garage or there is a free parking lot at One Texas Center on the Southwest corner of So. First and Barton Springs Road, as well. Pick up a copy of this week's Austin Chronicle for a coupon for $1 off admission found on page 23.

Saturday morning between 8:30 a.m. - 10 a.m., City Wide offers early shopper passes for $10 each. This allows those who so choose to have early access to the show and get first dibs on vendors' merchandise before the general admission customers enter at 10 a.m. I hope you get a chance to come and see me, cuz I have some really marvelous $5 goodies this show! Have a great weekend and I'll see every back here Monday!


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A New Addiction . . . . Like I Need One More of Those

LeAnn Stephenson

So, I've got to share a new addiction.... well, it's not really a NEW addiction, but it is an addiction!  Like I need one more of those - Am I right?!  It's called Pinterest.  So here's the deal, Pinterest is a virtual pinboard.  It lets you organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web.  People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organize their favorite recipes.
Best of all, you can browse pinboards created by other people.  Browsing pinboards is a fun way to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests.  To get started, request an invite.

Today I would like to share a few of my boards with you . . . . So, here goes . . .






I love the gamine look that seems to be synonymous with Audrey Hepburn – you know, the put-together in an off hand manner – like she was just on her way to the market or something.  Also, the classically outfitted looks of Katherine Hepburn appeal to me, as well.









I transpose the first letters of the colors purple and fuchsia frequently.  I love both colors, most often together on a dress or in a painting, or in nature.  I've read that purple symbolizes mystery, as well as royalty.  And fuchsia is said to be associated with emotional stability....  which is why I guess I'm drawn to it .....  I could always use a little more emotional stability .... just ask my psychopharmacologist!







Yellow is the color of sunshine.  I associate it with joy, happiness, and creative energy.  The color yellow reminds me of my childhood, when the world around me seemed to be filled with peace and harmony.  Plus, yellow is the color of my favorite spice ....  saffron!

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Grafters: Film Biz Recycling

LeAnn Stephenson




Have you ever heard the saying, “Waste not want not?” Well, at Film Biz Recycling that is their mission and their sentiment is more like, "Waste NOT what can be used again!" By turning trash into treasure, creator Eva Radke has found a unique way to go green. Film Biz Recycling (FBR) is a not-for-profit organization, creating socially responsible and sustainable solutions from media industry waste - ya know, like from movies, TV, commercials, etc.

Since 2008, FBR has diverted over 180 tons of materials from landfills. And for optimum sustainability, FBR redistributes 60% of the donated materials acquired to charities and local organizations like, CAMBA, Materials for the Arts NYC, Sean Casey Animal Center, Chips, Recycle-A-Bicycle, The Gowanus Canal Conservancy, Blissful Bedrooms, and Hour Children.

Another rather groovy thing about Film Biz Recycling is that they operate a shop located in a 10,000 square-foot warehouse in Gowanus, Brooklyn. It's called FILM BIZ PROP SHOP, which creates awareness for their cause, as well as expands job employment in the “green biz” sector.

You can even get involved by becoming a sponsor, an intern or rethink your "downtime" by volunteering.

Well done FBR . . . . Well done!

Make sure to watch the short film above to learn more about Film Biz Recycle's mission and check out their marvelous site here.


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She's a Good Egg

LeAnn Stephenson



My chic, creative and talented friend Maureen Stevens of The Inglenook Decor found a marvelous use for some vintage wooden egg cups she found at my shop. Check it out here!

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An Abundance of Apparentlys

LeAnn Stephenson


So, I am a blogger.  (Apparently.)  I own a vintage boutique in Austin, Texas. (Apparently.)  Actually, that latter is more verifiable than the former statement.  So, taking those two facts alone into consideration mean that I am supposed to be professionally committed to making posts about vintage-y type things . . . . right?

But here's the thing - I'm a little bit inconsistent.  And by "a little bit inconsistent," I mean that  . . . (insert foot stomping, shrugging, eye rolls, and whining voice) It's hard to be a blogger, a business owner, a mother, a wife, and a whiny-butt all at the same time!!!  And in my world, when you let all of that stuff mingle together, something like me is the result.

And, what that really means, other than what it sounds like, is, "Sorry I haven't posted on the blog in while, but I've got some junk and some stuff to share . . . lots of it!"

Today I will begin with a Retro Redo that I've been working on.  I'll kinda tease you with the photos above and return later in the week to show you the finished product.

Oh yeah, I forgot to add this to the list . . . . . I'm a tease . . .

See you tomorrow and happy Tuesday!

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Emerge-Hair-Care and Tire Center

LeAnn Stephenson



The Vintage Laundry Holiday Bizarre and Open House was a huge success! The event gave me the chance to see old friends and make a lot of new ones. Thank you to everyone who attended and participated - you are all greatly appreciated!

One last bit of business before I spin a yarn I'd like to share concerning my failure to announce Day 5's prize and the winner of Day 4 in our Vintage Laundry 5 Day Giveaway. The winner of day 4 was Kate Rowe. Congratulations Kate, you're the winner of the hotel silver creamer! Our final day of the 5 Day Giveaway is a 20% discount on any merchandise in store or online.

Now to spin that yarn . . . . .

To celebrate the triumph of our Bizarre and Open House, I came down with a stomach virus or the flu, or something equally as dreadful. And, if you're gonna go and get yourself a really nasty ailment, it's always best to do it at 2 o'clock in the morning after all of the reputable medical facilities have closed their doors for the night. That way you can be forced to seek help at the Emerge-Hair-Care and Tire Center located at the corner of A Hoot and A Holler.

As the Hubbs and I waited to be seen by the Dr./Vet/Nail-tech, we were privileged to hear some of the most colorful and interesting conversations.

For instance, to the left of us sat a delicate little old grey-haired lady about the size of a Triscuit who, clearly using her outside-voice, complained about her hemorrhoids.   She said and I quote, "'They' tha size a throw pillows . . . . Those 'big-uns' from the Mart!"

Another fellow to our right who was sitting next to a young man who had his foot propped up on the chair beside him with his foot wrapped in a couple of terry cloth towels confessed that, ". . . . My brother shot 'his-self' in the foot on account a he's a dumb ass!" Don't you just love how this season makes those family ties stronger while bringing out those loving sentiment between siblings? Kinda makes you all gushy and warm inside doesn't it?

Trust me, I know about gushy and warm . . . and insides!

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Image courtesy The Healthy Home Economist 




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Day 4: Hotel Silver and the Winner of Day 3

LeAnn Stephenson



And the winner of one of your choice of three Vera Neumann scarves is . . . . . . Insert Drum roll . . . . . . Scott Lindberg!

Congratulations, Scott, and thanks for participating and supporting The Vintage Laundry!

Today we move on to day four of The Vintage Laundry Holiday Bizarre Five-day Gift Giveaway! And just as before, all you have to do is "like" this post on our Facebook page and you're entered to win the item! Today's item is a piece of hotel silver.  It's a cream pitcher with that lovely patina that only hotel silver has.  It would make for a great starter piece to begin a hotel silver collection or perfect for that silver aficionado on your Christmas list!

Happy clicking!

Winners will be announced on the blog and Facebook page each day following a giveaway post.

Don't for get to get your tickets for tonight's Preview Party here and register for discounts for the free days at The Vintage Laundry Open House this Saturday and Sunday, Dec. 10th and 11th here!

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Day Three of Our Holiday Bizarre Giveaway

LeAnn Stephenson



And the winner of the set of 3 silver plated frames is . . . . . . Insert Drum roll . . . . . . Bettielou Lane!

Congratulations, Bettielou, and thanks for participating and supporting The Vintage Laundry!

So, we move on to three of The Vintage Laundry Holiday Bizarre Five-day Gift Giveaway! And just as before, all you have to do is "like" this post on our Facebook page and you're entered to win the item! Today's item is your choice of one of these three signed Vera scarves. Vera Neumann was an American textile artist and entrepreneur best known for her boldly colored linen patterns and scarves signed simply with her name "Vera."  They are all marvelously vibrant and happy- perfect to give as a gift or to add to your own personal arsenal of winter accessories!

Happy clicking!

Winners will be announced on the blog and Facebook page each day following a giveaway post.

Don't for get to get your tickets for the Dec. 9th Preview Party here and register for discounts for the free days at The Vintage Laundry Open House on Dec. 10th & 11th here!

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Tell 'em What They've Won Bob . . . .

LeAnn Stephenson



And the winner of the set of 12 vintage napkins is . . . . . . Insert Drum roll . . . . . . JoAnn Jackson Garnto!

Congratulations, JoAnna, and thanks for participating!

So, we move on to day two of The Vintage Laundry Holiday Bizarre Five-day Gift Giveaway! And just as before, all you have to do is "like" this post on our Facebook page and you're entered to win the item! Today's item is a set of three petite silver-plated frames. The set is a mixture of different designs and sizes. They are all polished and styled with a black and white photo within - perfect to give as a gift or use to display your babies, grandbabies, nieces, nephews . . . . .Well, you get the picture . . . . get it? PICTURE - yeah, I sleigh me . . . get it? . . . I typed SLEIGH, instead of SLAY . . . . . cuz, it's Christmas time . . . and there's Santa . . . .OK, enough!

Happy clicking!

Winners will be announced on the blog and Facebook page each day following a giveaway post.

Don't for get to get your tickets for the Dec. 9th Preview Party here and register for discounts for the free days at The Vintage Laundry Open House on Dec. 10th & 11th here!

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The Vintage Laundry Holiday Bizarre Gift Giveaway!

LeAnn Stephenson



Tis' the season for giving, so, today is day one of The Vintage Laundry Holiday Bizarre Five-day Gift Giveaway! Just "like" this post on our Facebook page and you're entered to win the item! Today's item is a set of 12 vintage Damask napkins.  The set is a mixture of different Damask designs and have hand-stitched hems and measure 24" square.  They are all laundered and pressed - perfect to give as a gift or use on your holiday table - happy clicking!

Winners will be announced on the blog and Facebook page each day following a giveaway post.

Don't for get to get your tickets for the Dec. 9th Preview Party here and register for discounts for the free days at The Vintage Laundry Open House on Dec. 10th & 11th here!




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I'll Take Things That Are Magical for $200, Alex

LeAnn Stephenson


Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.


WOW! This video is breathtaking and as my friend Victoria over at SFgirlbybay says, ". . it is pretty magical." This has made the rounds on the internet so, you may have seen it already. But, if you haven't, you've got to take a look!

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Get First Dibs

LeAnn Stephenson


'Tis the season for parties and presents.  At The Vintage Laundry we're going along with the joke and have planned, along with some of our favorite vintage vendors, a shindig to beat all shindigs. We're calling it The Vintage Laundry Bizarre Holiday Pop-Up & Open House.  If you should like to join our stable of marvelous vendors, you can fill out an on-line application here.  We will review your submission and get back to within 24 hours with approval and a link to pay for your booth.

Yeah, we know, we used the wrong spelling - but, we mean both a "bazaar" as in a shop or market while at the same time meaning "bizarre", as in odd or unusual. We ARE in Austin and we have an obligation to keep things weird, right?!

We'll feature tons of vendors selling vintage linens, decor, furniture, clothing, housewares, art and up-cycled items and accessories, plus awesome holiday gift ideas for everyone on your list!


Preview Party
Friday, December 2, 2011
6pm - 9pm - $15 (Ticket gets you complimentary goodies, one drink ticket, and first dibs!)  You can purchase tickets here.

Regular Bizarre Shopping Hours:
Saturday & Sunday, December 3 & 4, 2011
9am - 5pm
3406 Glenview, behind the Burger King on 35th Street


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Say Four Hail Marys and a No You Di-ent!

LeAnn Stephenson



I will start by telling you that my entire existence can be summed up by one experience. And that is: You know how you walk into a room and as soon as you enter said room you can't remember why you're there? . . . . . THIS is everyday of my life. Well actually my life is more like a cocktail of that feeling and the cold sweat and the full-body paralysis you experience when you drive past a police officer going 50 mph when the speed limit is 35 mph. Basically, I wake every morning feeling like I've shown up without my homework, . . . . late, . . . . . . naked, . . . . most likely having burst into flames on my way there.

You know those driven, ultra-organized, over-achiever-type creatures who can do that multi-task thing? . . . . I'm the opposite, other kind of creature. The thing that blows my mind (and there are quite a few, which explains how little of it I have left) is how I'm the hogger of all the ADD and loser-moments in my little family. I will get my "to do list" finished . . . . eventually, but there might be a few mishaps along the way. Which brings me to a couple of funny stories that I wanted to share.

The first is a funny thing that happened on the way to an Etsy post. Last Saturday I received an email from an Etsy friend. She graciously complimented the piece I had listed and then mentioned a typo that existed that gave her a laugh, but was sure it was not what I had intended.

At the bottom of my furniture posts I put a little shpiel mentioning that due to the furniture's size, the piece requires a quote for shipping and instructions to e-mail or call me prior to purchasing. Well, where it would normally read "because of it's size" I had mistyped "because of tits size" . . . . . Gives a hole new meaning to "flat-rate," huh?!

My second flail occurred as the Hubbs, the kids, and I were shopping around in a local Catholic thrift store that we frequent. The store is run by the nuns - with the hats . . . . just like in The Sound of Music and everything! So, I find some goodies and take them up to the cash register and visit with the lovely sister about my purchases, when for some reason, feel the need to tell her that my husband is Catholic ( which is true). I continue by saying, "So, I guess that makes me a little Catholic by association (which I'm pretty sure is totally not true.) I do this . . . . I babel on and on in front of nuns, priests, ministers, pretty much all clergy types make me rattle on endlessly. Finally she hands me my receipt and says, "Have a blessed day," to which I would normally respond, "You as well" or "You also."  Only this time I had a "typo" of the mouth.  Instead of saying, "You as well or you also," I rearranged some letters, or my teeth got in the way of my tongue or something and I say, "You asshole" . . . . to a nun . . . in a Catholic thrift store . . . . . while my husband, children, and the parish priest stand staring at me with the most interesting looks on their faces. One enormously pregnant pause later, the nun looks at me, then to the priest and my family, and then back to me and says, " Oh no you di-ent!"

It's official, I'm going to hell . . .

Photo courtesy Fanpop

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Madam Secretary

LeAnn Stephenson



At The Vintage Laundry we believe in being aggressively pink and this marvelous Louis XV Style Secretary/Roll Top Desk meets our manifesto.

It would be just the thing for "A Room of One's Own." I'm thinking Virginia Woolf herself would have put this secretary on her wish list! It has 3 small drawers above the interior cubbies and one large drawer below the writing surface. Patina-d brass drawer pulls and a retractable roll top all perched on 4 elegant cabriole legs. Painted a glossy black with The Vintage Laundry signature pink covering the interiors of all of the drawers and the cubbies.

Check it out in our new bricks and mortar store, on our site or our Etsy.  And don't forget our 20% Off promotion we have on our entire inventory.  Offer valid through August 10, 2011.



Don't forget to like our Facebook fan page and join our mailing list to receive coupons and other info about events, workshops, book signings, etc.

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You Can Do It!

LeAnn Stephenson



Are you familiar with that saying, "Taking the world by storm?" Well, that's what I had imagined would happen when I officially opened the doors of The Vintage Laundry shop last week. Well . . . it seems that storm I was anticipating has been downgraded by weather experts to the equivalent of having someone spit out of their car window as they drive past my shop.

We opened our doors on Tuesday, July 19, 2011, at 11:00 A.M. and were an instant hit - like meatloaf at a vegan potluck or the Santa Dreidel. We brought a spoon to a knife fight, basically.

We were not a hit.

But yesterday was a different day because we had customers who must have seen something of value in my quirky little shop (20% off coupon) because they decided for some reason (20% off coupon) to come in and shop and make actual purchases. "This is it," I thought. "Here comes my storm!" I don't know why I'm so confident (20% off coupon,) I just am. So, I'll just keep on keepin' on in my usual overwhelmed state, reacting to these little traffic hiccups with grace (20% off coupon) and optimism (larger discounts coming soon.)

Like our Facebook fan page or join our mailing list to receive your coupons and other info about events, workshops, book signings, etc.

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First Liar Doesn't Have a Chance

LeAnn Stephenson



 "You name it."

These are the three words that leave my mouth when the subject of what I carry in the shop arises.  Which it does, and quite often, and not without a twinge of self-promotion and most often with a little competitiveness thrown in for good measure.  I find myself thinking, when listening to what a customer collects, "I'll see your salt and pepper collection and raise you a mess of printed tablecloths from the 1950s.  I'll see your Eames lounge and ottoman and raise you a Louis XV armchair.  And I'll see your Vera Neumann scarves and buy 'em."  These conversations have no end and no goal, and frankly I have no idea why I carry on so, except maybe I'm just one more vintage find away from starring in the next episode of A&E's Hoarders . . . . check your TV listings, I may already be there.

From the moment that I caught the vintage bug until today, I have lived by the philosophy that it is better to have dumpstered and dived than never to have dumpstered at all.  I have acted as host and restorer to just about every vintage item I could squeeze through the front door.


The other day my son began to question a new friends long term viability, noting that he lived in a house with his mom and dad and no old stuff.

"Not even any vintage knickknacks!"

"Not even," he says like his parents were unfit and smoking crack for lunch.

"But how does that work, exactly?" he asked.

"I don't know, I guess their family just likes a minimal look to their home."  I try to explain.

"Sounds awful."  he says.

So, apparently it's genetic.

I can't think of a smooth segue from there to photos of the shop.  So, here they are,  the "can't-get-no-minimal" shop photos.  Oh! . . . . and don't forget to join The Vintage Laundry on Yelp, Foursquare and check in when you visit and receive a discount on any purchase or you can join us on our Facebook fan page or follow my Tweets to get updates on new merchandise, deals, invitations to exclusive events, workshops and lots more.  Special grand opening specials begin next week and you don't want to miss out!!


Comes see our collection of vintage china, crystal and silver . . .


. . .  or peruse our vintage chandeliers . . .



. . . or linger in our vintage clothing room . . .



. . . . and don't forget about our Grey Gardens Collection, where you can customize and furniture purchase with paint and upholstery of your choosing . . .




. . . or maybe you have a wedding, dinner party or event that you're planning . . . . check out our vintage rental inventory . . . .



 . . . and of course there is always our vintage textiles and linens to Ooooh and Aaah over!




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Epic Facepalm: A Celebration of Fogetting and Frustration

LeAnn Stephenson



If you are unfamiliar with the word facepalm let me explain . . . . According to the Urban Dictionary, a facepalm is the act of dropping one's face or forehead into one's hand. Usually accompanied by a 
"thunk" or a cry of "Doh!"  As in:  Today I locked my keys in my car.  Again. *facepalm*

Well, unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with this experience as you will gather from the following story:

Things have been slipping my mind for years - at least since I was twenty-eight.  I know this because the year I celebrated my twentieth-eighth birthday was the year I was pregnant with my daughter, Olivia.  I can even prove it, because after her birth was when I started forgetting the names of people and words - they would just slip away without warning.  This marked the time when I had to begin scrolling through my mental dictionary, trying to guesstimate what letter the word or name I was frantically searching for began with.  Sometimes I even tried to figure out how many syllables were involved to speed the process.  When this first began, the lost name, word, or thought would drift back into my head, recovered, kind of quickly.

But here's the thing:  it's gotten worse in the past few years.  And now if my daughter, with her talent for remembering everyone's name or my son and husband with their ability to play charades with me aren't close by, I have to fake it.  Olivia can actually gather that I'm trying to remember Tina Fey's name when I gesture with my hand in a certain way and Noah and the Hubbs can tell me the name I'm looking for is Julie Andrews when I say, "You know . . .  she's  that chick that sings on 
the mountain in that movie and makes matching clothes for that guy's kids out of the family curtains . . . . and there's nuns . . .?"

I try to comfort myself by insisting I'm too young for dementia to be setting in and that it's not so much a "Senior moment" as it's a Freshman or Sophomore moment, instead.

But here's my point:  My forgetting has taken on a new slant.  Now I can't remember if I've shared important information or not.

So, just in case I forgot to mention it . . . . . .

THE SHOP IS OPEN!

We will be closed Sundays and Mondays and open from 11PM - 7 PM Tuesday through Saturday.  The address is 3406 Glenview, Austin Tx, 78703.  You can join The Vintage Laundry on Yelp, Foursquare and check in when you visit and receive a discount on any purchase or you can join us on our Facebook fan page or follow my tweets to get updates on new merchandise, deals, invitations to exclusive events, workshops and lots more.  Also in the works is The Vintage Laundry TV on our YouTube channel that I'm really excited about!!!  More on that later.  I can't wait to share more info and photos!  So, check the blog in the next couple of days to take advantage of all of the goodies that we have planned to celebrate our new store opening!

See you soon,
LeAnn

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So's Your Mom

LeAnn Stephenson



Something funky is going on in the world of women's underwear . . . .  Well, at least in THIS woman's world.  Don't freak out, I'm not about to over-share or anything, it's just you know how they say that you should always be sure to wear clean underwear just in case you're in a car accident and have to be taken to the hospital?  Well, I have a story to tell you and it's kinda like that . . . kinda.

Until Monday night, last week was shaping up to be marvelously productive.  All day long the kids and I had been zooming around from one task to another, like protons spinning out of control (I may have the science wrong there) when all of a sudden, I had a complete and total nuclear melt down.

For the past month the whole family has been working in the shop trying to prepare for its opening by painting walls, chairs, etc., hanging chandeliers and mirrors, polishing silver, and pricing merchandise.  Monday had been particularly great because it seemed that we were at "full steam" and getting all matter of things accomplished.

And if that wasn't magnificent enough, many, many Diet Dr. Peppers were involved.

So I was working on putting a couple of metal contraptions on the back of a rather large mirror that needed hanging, when it happened.  I was sitting on the floor power-drill in hand just about to make my first pilot hole in the template that came with it when my hand slipped, making a lovely pilot hole in my left thumb, instead.  I quickly reversed the drill and removed the bit from my thumb and then debated upon which to do first . . . vomit or spout a creative stream of obscenities.  Turns out there was a third option which was to burst into inconsolable sobbing - complete with lakes of tears and snot and lots of snubbing just for effect.  To be perfectly honest, I wasn't being a complete wussy for nothing, this puncture ranks as one of my more severe injuries. I mean, when I held it up to the light I could actually see all the way through to the other side.  And there was blood - lots of blood - like in that episode of SNL where Dan Akroyd, dressed as Julia Childs, has just cut his finger and is spurting blood everywhere.  My children quickly grabbed the roll of paper towels and crafted a mighty fine bandage consisting of about twenty-seven sheets of Brawny held together by 2-inch blue painter's tape while the Hubbs located his keys so that we could dash off to the emergency room.

As we ran into the emergency room I became immediately aware that something was wrong, I mean other than my perforated thumb.  I was getting some interesting looks from everyone in the waiting room, which prompted me to turn to the Hubbs and ask, while I tilted my head back and pulled my upper lip over my front teeth, "Do I have a bugger?" or, as I looked down at my pants, "Is my fly open?"  Turns out neither was the case so, I just smiled and stared back at my audience.  The second time I was aware that something was amiss was when the handsome young male nurse led me back to the examination room.

I need to interrupt the story here to share a couple of things about my appearance.  When I dress to go to the shop and paint and sweat and move furniture and sweat and sweat some more, I don't take a lot of care in my appearance - I typically choose a pair of Nike running shorts with one of my husband's "seen-better-days" t-shirts and a tragic looking pair of pink flip  flops.  My attire says, "When I'm not in prison, I enjoy a day of looking homeless."  So, just in case I have to go out in public, each morning I grab a change of clothes from the fresh from the dryer pile that is currently residing on my sofa, clothes that I quickly changed into before heading off to the emergency room.

Okay, so I'm there with the handsome nurse asking me all the usual questions, "How current is your tetanus? . . . . yadda, yadda, yadda.  when I notice that he keeps looking at my chest or rather right below and to the side of my chest.  So, the next time he turns to write on his clipboard I take a quick look at my shirt . . . . . and there "it" is  . . . . containing enough static cling to start a small electrical fire . . . . a pair of my underwear stuck to the side of my T-shirt.

As he turns from his clipboard I ask, "Why didn't you tell me I had underwear stuck to my shirt?"

"That's just how I roll.  It's nice underwear though - my mom has the same kind." he says. 

"Oh, your mom?" is what I said, but this is what I thought:

YOUR MOM!

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