Fire-resistant Menus "R" Us

I don't remember exactly how long I was in the grocery store, but my presence there began on a road not so much paved with enthusiasm as sporadically littered with an enthusiastic resistance.  This is my first, and most likely my last, time to be solely responsible for Christmas dinner.  Being blessed with two aunts, a mother, and three siblings who are thoroughly marvelous cooks, I can say with a solid degree of authority, that I am a lousy cook.  I spontaneously screw up the order and amounts of ingredients in cakes, of course, unless I buy them in a box and all I have to do is add an egg.  I will, without thinking twice, serve a steak so rare that with a little help from a vet, it could recover.  I cook so poorly I'm amazed my children and da Hubbs have not put in for transfers.

Over the years (45 to be exact) I have taken cooking as seriously as someone like myself could.  I knew my motivation was rooted in fire-resistant menus;  I wouldn't cook it if it was likely to burst into flames.  Clearly roasting was out of the question, as was braising, sauteing, and everything involving a ladle.  I've been thinking about our Christmas dinner menu for some time now, wondering what food items I deemed durable enough to withstand my underqualified, indifferent, likely-to-send-send-you-to-the-emergency-room-with-food-poisoning" culinary skills.  And then it hit me . . . .  we'll begin with cheddar whizzy shot straight out of the can into our mouths, along with little square Spam bits eaten with toothpicks a -la-the Rainman followed by fruit roll-ups and Altoids.  But I had a hunch that the family might object.  So, I closed my eyes right there in the snack aisle and shook my head like a Magic 8-Ball waiting for a different idea.  I think it it is fair to say that I am often epicuriously  lethargic.

The good news is that "fully cooked" has turned out to be the magic password for cooking for the holidays, just the way "let's get take out" would on a weekday or "there's no food in the house" works on the weekends.  In theory, this should solve my problem . . . . . right? . . . . .  well, I'll keep you posted.  But in the mean time here are some marvelous food blogs that keep me laughing and inspire me to solve my "crappy cook" conundrum:

The ever creative Amateur Gourmet

The witty, tongue twister of a blog named Spork Or Foon

And a blackly hilarious blog called Suicidefood

Photos and logos courtesy Amateur Gourmet, Spork Or Foon, Suicidefood and Amazon

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Matt Moore: Chief Cook, Bottle Washer and Gentleman Extraordinaire

Here's a list of the types of guys I dated before I met da Hubbs:

1.  Basketball players
2.  Art majors
3.  Rednecks who viewed the movie Deliverance as a motivational video
4.  A kind of sub-category of the above type:  Guys who at one point in their lives have strayed into illegal activity involving rifles, shotguns, body parts and/or Hefty bags.

But . . . . never, ever, did I date a guy like this:

Matt Moore, author of Have Her Over For Dinner and Nashville-based singer/songwriter, knows that the way to a woman's heart is through a home-cooked meal. A lesson learned from an early age from his mother and grandmother.

Fine dining and expensive nights on the town are all well and good, but there’s something very intimate about a date at home. To be honest, I'm more likely to remember and appreciate the preparation, forethought and effort da Hubbs has made for a night in, complete with a homemade meal, than I am a pricey nosh at a restaurant. And I think it is for that very reason that I'm draw to Matt's book.  Whether you are an expert in the kitchen, or a novice who relies on the microwave, Matt has got you covered. His secret to a great meal starts with great ingredients. He suggests that rather than waste your time on expensive marinades and seasonings, instead spend your time and money on quality ingredients. Using great ingredients and simple preparation are the keys to an outstanding meal.  The book offers more than 100 recipes ranging from Italian to Southern Eclectic to Vegetarian. Matt’s recipes emphasize the basics, without requiring dozens of ingredients, and even covers stocking the kitchen, pairing beer or wine with food, lighting, and cleaning up.  You can find copies here and here.  I found Matt through a great online magazine called Southern Flourish. You can find more info about Matt and his book on his blog or Facebook fan page.

I plan on getting my son, Noah, a true gentleman in his own right, a copy of Have Her Over For Dinner.  And if he would like to test a few of the recipes out on his darling mother - well, then . . . . I guess that would be okay . . . . I'm "thoughty" and selfless like that!

Photos courtesy Matt Moore

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