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Chinoiserie Chic • Mid Century Modern • Palm Beach Regency Vintage Sales & Rentals

THE LAUNDRY LIST

Heavy Sigh, Face-palm With an Eye Roll Dismount

LeAnn Stephenson




It has been proven to me again, and again that life is a great unfolding ... that opportunities, wisdom, and understanding will be revealed to me as I go along. I wait, as patiently as an instant-gratification junky can wait, for cues from the universe as to what I should fix my gaze and energies upon next. But here's the thing … and I hate "The Thing" …especially "my" thing. Because my thing is … STARTING. I'm a marvelous starter, a comer-upper of great ideas, an enthusiastic believer that if you work and live and love hard enough that everything is possible. I've started hundreds of things, DIY projects, blog posts, paintings, book writings, entrepreneurial ventures, relationships, conversations, thoughts, sentences … the list is endless and more than a little embarrassing. But here's my "Un-Thing" … FINISHING. I'm like the opposite, evil twin of a premature ejaculation … the iceman never cometh, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And, naturally, the only logical next step in my ever-so-cluttered mind is to start a new project … (insert face-palm.) The new project is a book (insert combination heavy sigh, face-palm with an eye roll dismount.) The chapters are good-natured pokes at all that is me, but are also turning out to be a kind of love letters to myself and to others that share "The Thing." Writing about this has offered me a revelation that although I want to escape, running and screaming from this utterly frustrating habit I have of putting off till tomorrow what I could do the day after tomorrow - I've just decided to embrace it. Because, as they say, you are defined not so much by your imperfect moments, but by your reactions to them. 

So, only time will tell if I can see this "reaction" through to the end … wish me luck, think "finishing thoughts" and if necessary shame me into completing and publishing it.

Below is a snippet from one of the thirty-five chapters in the book. I hope you enjoy and have a marvelous Thursday!

Chapter 1

 

Read Label Before Use


You know how packaged products are required to have a label listing ingredients and such? Well, I think some people should come with them, as well … and I'm sorry to say, that I'm one of them! Before you even think of speaking to me or engaging me in any manner, you should probably read my label. It has recommendations for your use and safety (see label below.)

Nutritional Facts:


Calories: None of your business
Sodium:  Queen of the Swelling & Bloating Float in the High Blood Pressure & Congestive Heart Failure Thanksgiving Day Parade
Carbohydrates:  Girl please!
Sugar:  Can I get a witness?!

LeAnn Stephenson is fun for the whole family. Made from 100% morose introspection and existential crisis, she was founded in Alamogordo, New Mexico in 1965. She played in the White Sands Basin Range where, twenty years earlier, the Trinity nuclear (atomic) bomb was tested (which explains a lot.) She contains more than 75% of the world's eyebrow hair (see nuclear bomb) and in a blind taste test, 2 out of 5 children tested chose LeAnn Stephenson as their mother.


Warning: 

LeAnn Stephenson's singing voice has been described as "very disturbing." 

So, as you can see, I may appear to be perfectly harmless, but I can assure you that I am anything but.

For starters ...

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